Ichegeki sachuu, baka!
by Flesheater777
Summary: Hilarity ensues when Kagome finds a spider on her backpack. Lotsa violence! Oneshot.


**Ichegeki sachuu, baka!**

**A deliriously delightful humour fic**

**by Flesheater777, who does NOT own**

**the Inuyasha franchise in any**

**way, shape, or form.**

**Inuyasha was waiting patiently beside the well that fateful morning. Yes, I know patience is not Inuyasha's strongest suit, but as this story progresses you shall see why Inuyasha was doing such a thing (for once). After 3 hours of waiting, Kagome emerged from the well. Unfortunately, she landed on Inuyasha. "What the HELL was that for, Kagome?" yelled a rather flattened hanyou. "Maybe _you_ should watch where you're sitting!"said Kagome. "Wait a minute... why were you sitting there anyway?" After getting out from underneath Kagome's shoes, Inuyasha snagged Kagome's bag. After 3.573 seconds, he triumphantly pulled out an instant ramen cup and said, "Yes! You brought the ninja food!" After releasing the world's largest sweat drop, she grabbed the cup from Inuyasha, stuffed it back in the bag, and said, "Nuh-uh, not yet. You'll have to wait until everyone else is here for their bento lunches."**

**"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWW!"**

**Later, everyone was sitting on the ground next to the well, the anticipation gnawing at their stomachs. "I can't wait! When Kagome cooks, one can swear Kami has blessed her oven!" said Sango. Miroku then said, "Indeed. A monk must not covet anything, and Kagome makes that difficult!" Then Shippo chimed in. "You guys are idiots, trying to describe her cooking with words. It can't be done, I tell ya!" Kagome blushed and sai, "Aw, thanks guys!" Her moment of elation was swiftly ended when she turned to unpack the picnic.**

**"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! A SPIDER!"**

**Inuyasha let out an "Oh, brother..." As Kagome was paralyzed with fear, Miroku walked up to her, put his hand on her shoulder, and said, "Lady Kagome, a spider is one of Kami's creatures, and should not be killed for merely existing. It probably fears you more than you fear it." Kagome was about to thank him for comforting her when she felt his hand traveling south...**

**"HENTAI!"**

**SMAK! SMAK! WHACK! The first smack was from Kagome. The second was Sango's. The WHACK! was Inuyasha smacking Miroku upside the head with the flat side of the fully-transformed Tetsusaiga. Needless to say, Miroku was going to be unconscious for a good, long while. "How many times do we have to tell you that you that you can't solve all your problems with the Tesusaiga?" Inuyasha sheathed his sword just then, feeling rather childish at the moment. Then, he focused on the spider. He lept towards the spider with an open palm. The spider calmly moved to the side as Inuyasha slapped Kagome's backpack. He tried again, only to find the spider had jumped on Sango's nose. Sango looked cross-eyed at the arachnid resting upon her nose, trying desperately not to move. "Inuyasha, NOOOOOOOOO!" yelled Kagome. Alas, her cry was in vain, for Sango had just joined Miroku in the sweet oblivion of unconsciousness. Inuyasha then noticed the evasive little bastard was on Kagome's backpack again. "That's IT! I'M DOING THIS THE OLD FASHIONED WAY! WIND SCAR!" Unfortunately, Inuyasha aimed a little to low. The backpack, spider and all, was utterly annihilated. "No! Not the ninja food!" cried a distrought Inuyasha. He then remembered that it was _Kagome's _backpack and slowly turned. He saw Kagome's eyes reduced to mere slits as her lips, twisted into a beastly snarl, began to form the word Inuyasha simply dreaded...**

**"SITSITSITSITSITSITSITSITSITSITSITSITSITSITSITSIT!"**

**When Inuyasha woke up, he was bound to a tree by chains. Sango smiled at him evilly. "You going to pay for ruining our lunches, _Inuyasha..._" Miroku grinned just as evilly as he said, **

**"Yes, you are going to regret your actions, _Inuyasha..._" Inuyasha looked at Kagome then, only to find her face to be more sinister than Naraku could ever hope to be. She spoke. "So, Sango, who gets to hit him with the Hiraikotsu _first?_" Inuyasha's eyes went wide in realization...**

**"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"**

**The last thought that ran through Inuyasha's head was this, and only this:**

_**Damn spider...**_

**THE END**

**A/N: Damn spider... Hoped you liked it! R&R! **


End file.
